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She Loves Me - She Loves Me Not……
At one point or another, we are all in search of that
great love and, when we think we have found it, we do not
want to be told otherwise. The problem lies in the fact
that it is extremely difficult to be objective when you
are in the process of falling in love. This lack of
objectivity may be a natural phenomenon, however it can
also be responsible for otherwise rational and reasonable
people doing irrational and unreasonable things.
In this article, we will explore the top 10 indicators to
look for in a relationship that show that she is truly
interested in you. All too often, we tend to justify away
warning signs - make excuses for behavior that we know is
not correct. We do that because we want the relationship
to work, but ignoring those signs can be dangerous. You
may have a few points of your own to add to this list; the
following is only a partial guide:
1. Show of Affection - Among all of the cultures in which
we operate, I know of no cultural taboo with respect to
public displays of affection. That isn’t to say it is
perfectly acceptable to passionately kiss in the middle of
a busy department store, but there should be no problem
with public embraces, hand holding, and even “polite”
kissing. Notice that while I said that there is no “cultural taboo,” the willingness for, and degree of,
public displays of affection will vary from woman to woman
depending on their comfort level.
2. Communication - Communication is very important in any
long-distance relationship. If you have already met her
and are in the fiancée visa process (or close to it) the
communication should be relatively often, whether it is by
E-mail or phone calls or even snail mail. I have talked to
men who have told me that they only communicate with their
fiancées once a month or so because “she is so busy” or “too much communication upsets her because we can’t be
together”. You should be communicating at least once or
twice a week in some fashion, and the tone of the
conversations should be light and cheerful. If you are
struggling with something to say or if it feels forced or
strained than there may very well be a problem.
3. Makes Herself Available - It should not be difficult or
a chore to contact her, or possibly arrange a time when
you can go back and visit her. If she tends to be very
difficult to reach or is not enthusiastic about you coming
back to see her and helping to arrange the trip there may
be a problem.
4. Introduces You to Family and Friends - This is
something that normally does not happen right away, nor
should it, but is something that needs to happen at some
point if the relationship is serious. Many of these women
are very family oriented and socially inclined. If they
are serious about you they will normally want to introduce
you to their parents, other family members and friends.
Oftentimes she will plan a large elaborate dinner where
you will have a chance to meet the important people in her
life. She will also want to show you where and how she
lives. Since many of the women live in smaller apartments,
something that we are not used to, they may be a bit
hesitant at first but, if the relationship is progressing
and she is serious about you, she will normally want to
have you see where and how she lives.
5. Learn the Language - If the woman, especially a
fiancée, needs help with English she will normally be
anxious to take lessons. You may have to assist her with
the cost of the lessons, but if she is serious about you
and is contemplating moving to your country, she will
normally be very open to English lessons.
6. Submitting the Paperwork - Once the two of you have
decided to move forward with the fiancée visa process, the
actual paperwork you need from her to initiate the process
should be the least of your problems. The paperwork
required from her is fairly straightforward and minimal,
so if there is a long delay in her providing you with the
necessary paperwork there may be a problem.
7. Random Acts of Romance - This should be one of the
happiest times of your life and one of the most romantic
as well. There should be (as I call them) “Random Acts of
Romance” being exchanged between the two of you. It should
not be a one-way street. This could be something as simple
as her calling you right before you fall asleep to tell
you that she loves you, or finding something that she made
for you in the mail. The point is that there should be
romantic gestures being made from both sides - things that
may be very simple, but are special to just the two of
you, especially if you are in the fiancée visa process.
8. Happy to Just See You - If the two of you are truly in
love and moving forward, she should be happy to have any
opportunity to see you. This means that if you have the
time and can afford to go back over to see her during the
process she should be very open to the idea. If she is
constantly suggesting that you meet in exotic resort
locations instead of just spending time together in her
city, there may be a problem. There is nothing wrong with
the two of you taking a vacation, but if it is a frequent
request you may want to question her as to what is wrong
with just spending time together in her city.
9. Asking for Money - We have gone over the money issue
time and time again in previous newsletters, but it’s
worthy of mention here as well. I hope that the reason you
are serious about the woman you have chosen is that you
love her and not that you want to somehow “save” her.
These women are quite happy and self-sufficient; they are
not looking for anyone to come to their rescue. If she is
asking you for large sums of money, for you to invest in
real estate for her, or any other financial requests, you
really have to step back and reevaluate the situation.
This is where many men will try and justify the requests
away. You have to try and evaluate what she is asking for
as objectively as possible. There is a big difference
between a few dollars for her to pay phone bills or
internet expenses, and hundreds or even thousands of
dollars for operations, flats, etc., etc. If the woman
really loves you she will normally be very hesitant to
request money from you.
10. Monogamous relationship - At some point in the
relationship you both need to decide if it is going to be
a monogamous relationship and if you are going to move
forward with the fiancée visa. Once you have both decided
that, she should be motivated to remove her profile
listings from any dating services that she may have
joined. She should also refrain from attending Socials or
other events intended for the purposes of introductions.
Please keep in mind that the above points are only a rough
guide. They are no way inclusive of the many different
factors entailed in evaluating a relationship. You must
use good judgment and common sense; everyone is different,
and not everyone is going to fall into neat black and
white categories.
Also, please understand that although this article is
intended to make men more aware of what is going on in the
relationship, we could have easily written the reverse for
the women: warning signs that they should be aware of when
it comes to the men with whom they are contemplating
serious involvements. If you pay attention to these and
other details, and treat the woman in whom you are
interested in the same manner as you would like to be
treated, you both should have a happy and healthy
relationship.
If you have any general questions concerning our service,
please E-mail me at
john@wwdl.net
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